i wish i could dream of her
i didn't make any birthday wishes this year. i had several opportunities. several wishes to make. several candles to blow out while celebrating my 29th birthday. my first birthday without my mother. don't get me wrong, i'm grateful for the 28 birthdays i've had with her. this birthday, i couldn't think of any wishes. i refused to wish for anything. what's the point of wishing. i'm not making a wish. WHY. BOTHER. now don't get me wrong, i completely understand how ridiculous that is. but really, it's a little difficult to fight these feelings of complete hopelessness when they engulf you. surround you. hovering overhead. it is! these feelings of wanting to melt away forever hit me hard on tuesday. over a week after my birthday. in conjunction with some other shit going on... well... it compounded things. exponentially. i hate everyone. for those of you who have lost someone, specifically, a parent. specifically, a mother. i've ...